Chapter Text
Small fingers ran through his hair, smoothly. The gentle touch pulled him back to sleep. He grabbed the comforter and pulled it back all the way to his head.
Smooth fingers.
No, this time those fingers pulled his hair, not so gently. It was harsh enough to make him open his eyes wide, whining with pain.
“Wake up.” the high pitched sound said. Yelled, actually. “We’re gonna be late, uncle!” he whined.
That’s when Jaekyung got up, huffed while pushing the covers away.
“So loud and bright.” he mumbled. “What time is it, kid?”
“It’s almost 8! Come on, we’re late!” Yoongu jumped off of the bed and ran to get his backpack from his room.
“Okay, wait. I’ll get ready quickly.”
The thing is, he was a punctual person. He never slept more than he should have, and he didn’t have a hard time waking up early everyday. But he was suffering from jet lag, so he needed to sleep.
Jaekyung washed his face, brushed his teeth all too quickly to not make Yoongu wait any longer. He didn’t have enough time to shower so he got dressed in plain black pants and a t-shirt, grabbed his leather jacket and pulled the entire look with his cologne.
“f*ck me.” he mumbled, still feeling half asleep.
As Jaekyung grabbed his car keys, his hyperactive little nephew was jumping in front of the door and yelling “let’s gooo!”
Jaekyung rolled his eyes at the sight in front of him. Yoongu didn’t take after him at all, no. He was always too loud, too hyperactive, too happy- even for a kid.
“If you don’t stop yelling, I’ll leave you here.”
Yoongu pouted but stopped yelling. “You know uncle, we didn’t have breakfast today. I’m starving.”
“I know, I know. I’ll grab you something on the way, okay?” Yoongu nodded but still the pout stayed on his face. He sat down on the floor to wear his shoes while Jaekyung kneeled down to wear his.
“I can do it.” Yoongu insisted, but it was clear he couldn’t. Jaekyung did give him some time, though, to see him struggle. His face was too serious, which made Jaekyung smile fondly. He was just 6 years old, trying to show he was grown enough.
Jaekyung waited until Yoongu gave up trying to tie his shoe. He looked up at him without saying anything but Jaekyung understood what he wanted.
He kneeled down again, but this time to tie Yoongu’s shoes. His small feet seemed way too cute.
“Here you go.” he finished tying and put on his jacket.
“Thanks!” the little boy yelled, smiling.
As they walked out of the house, Yoongu slipped his hand into Jaekyung’s. Jaekyung didn’t call out to him for doing so, but he smiled fondly until he realized what he was doing. Being an uncle had a different impact on him.
*
Jaekyung dropped off his nephew at school, grabbed him a sandwich before giving him a goodbye hug.
“I’ll pick you up at 3, okay?”
“Okay! See you!” he waved and ran to catch his friends.
He seemed happy to go to school, oddly. Jaekyung remembered his own memories and they were not too pleasant. He used to throw a tantrum every time he had to leave his parents and go to school.
He waited until Yoongu got in the building, and then he left, relaxing that they made it in time. Otherwise, he knew his brother would scold him for not doing the favor he asked properly.
When he got back, he went straight to the bathroom. He needed to take a shower after that long flight. All of his body felt sore as he had to sit on that small seat. Sadly, he had to fly economy as it was a last minute decision to come and visit his brother.
Normally, he wouldn’t take time to go on vacation. He always worked and worked, even on his annual leave. He would stay behind even when everyone went to their hometowns or they planned a trip to go together.
He didn’t mind.
He didn’t mind overworking himself, he knew he had to overwork himself when he decided to become an MMA fighter.
It was just a small sacrifice for him.
Although he didn’t mind, his parents were not so happy about his decisions.
Well, at least his mother.
She always called Jaekyung, made sure he was eating well and resting. She always complained how Jaekyung didn’t care about his family but she knew he always loved them. But it was not enough.
Jaekyung missed them, of course. However, it was easy for him to adapt because of his desire to be number one. He always had the urge growing up.
It was more important than anything he had in his life, not that he had much.
The last minute decision was not made by Jaekyung by all means. His coach was the one to push him to take a vacation since he didn’t rest well for once in years.
He didn’t have a close relationship with his father, theirs would barely be called a relationship. So, his coach was like a father figure to him. He was the only one who could put up with Jaekyung’s attitude and even put him into his place.
That’s why he insisted on Jaekyung taking a vacation. He knew the boy better than anyone.
Jaekyung resisted at first. No, he didn’t need to rest. He needed to work and work harder but the coach didn’t care what he thought or how hard he should be working rather than resting.
So that’s why he was there, trying to wash off his exhaustion in his brother’s guest bathroom.
But he felt content at the same time. The last time he saw Yoongu was a long time ago. Yoongu was barely two or three years old when his brother and wife came to visit him.
He wasn’t even talking properly during their last meeting, only speaking in short, sometimes meaningless sentences.
So he was a little emotional when he saw Yoongu calling him uncle Jaekyung or speaking like he is older.
Seeing how grown up Yoongu was reminded Jaekyung that he missed the important moments of his little nephew’s life. But it was supposed to be like this. He had to miss his first words or his first time walking because he had to be the number one.
It hurt him less when he accepted the situation he was in. No need to cry over things he couldn’t change, he didn’t want to change them.
When he finished his shower, he put on a towel and sat down on his bed. He still felt too exhausted. It would take a day or two for him to adjust.
He knew that if he slept, he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. So he decided to take his time settling his stuff in his room that his brother kept special for him.
For years, his brother believed that Jaekyung would stay with them at some point. It never happened, and Jaekyung didn’t even stay in this room for more than a week.
He put his clothes in the wooden wardrobe, doing his best to not make them crease. He also brought some books with him, which he threw into his luggage without looking at their names.
So he settled, and made himself some coffee but the time was moving too slowly. He even started watching a sh*tty movie he found but couldn’t finish it.
When he was about to fall asleep on the couch, he heard the phone ring loudly, making him jump from where he was laying.
It was the alarm that he set off, and he was glad he did because there was less than an hour for him to go pick up Yoongu.
The school wasn’t too far, so he got ready quickly and took his car. Luckily, he was right on time when he arrived at the school.
After parking his car, Jaekyung walked toward the entrance of the school and waited to see children coming out.
As he was about to check his phone, he heard a sweet, smooth voice talking.
“Okay children, let’s head outside.”
His whole body stiffened.
No, it couldn’t be him.
Was he really here?
He turned his head to see who was talking, his eyes roamed around impatiently until he found who was talking.
There he was, holding a child’s hand and smiling down at him. He was slim, not too tall as if he hadn't grown since Jaekyung last saw him. His brown hair was at the same length, covering his forehead.
Jaekyung’s eyes ate up the man in front of him with yearning. He felt small, despite being the tallest and biggest person standing in front of the school.
Kim Dan.
He was still the same, or at least he looked the same.
Memories flooded Jaekyung’s brain of their hidden kisses, soft touches; how he took every part of Dan, how he was safe with him. Then, there came the heartbreak, the sorrow and yearning.
Kim Dan was here. He was so close to Jaekyung that he could hear his calm and kind voice. He could see his soft smile, feel his warm presence.
He was as gorgeous as Jaekyung remembered him, and maybe more. How could he stay the same after 8 years?
He was lost in his thoughts until he felt a warm hand hold his leg.
“Uncle!” Yoongu yelled. “I told you he would come!” he turned back this time, to shout at his friends.
The children looked at Jaekyung with wide eyes, mouths open with awe.
“They didn’t believe me when I told them about you!” he looked proud, holding onto his uncle’s hand.
Jaekyung couldn’t help but smile and brush his fingers through Yoongu’s hair, making it messier than before.
He looked up to find two big brown eyes watching him while still holding the other kid’s hand.
Their eyes met, and Jaekyung felt his insides exploding. His eyes were no stranger to him, but Jaekyung didn’t feel the warmth of them like he used to. He didn’t find comfort in them either. And it was fine.
It was fine. It was fine.
“Jaekyung…” he still said his name like he used to. Like his name was a delicate, breakable thing. He was careful with it. “It’s been so long.” He was smiling, although Jaekyung could see the shock in his sweet eyes.
“Hey.”
Jaekyung didn’t know what to say, or how to act. It had always been like this with him, but it was much easier back then. Back then when Dan used to trust him, understand him better than anyone else considering the person Jaekyung was.
He was never easy to be with, whether friends or lovers. But he didn’t mind.
He was used to being lonely, although he was the most popular kid back in the day. But everyone knew that Jaekyung would never get close to anyone at the school. Jaekyung thought the same too.
“You look different..” Dan mumbled, his cheeks and the tip of his ears getting red. Even though he looked more muscular now, Jaekyung was not so different back then. He always worked out regularly, and cared about what he ate.
But he had tattoos now, and a different style. He was bigger, older. He was not the guy who Dan fell in love with back in the day.
“Oh, yeah? Same goes for you.” he lied, and it was obvious. He was the same Dan he fell in love with. Even the way his hair looked was the same.
They both couldn’t help but smile, taking a moment to eye each other from head to toe.
“How do you know my teacher?” Yoongu asked, pouting. He was jealous of both of them. How could they know each other?
“We were close friends with your uncle, it was a long time ago.” Dan answered with a soft smile.
“Yes, kid.” Jaekyung said, stroking Yoongu’s short hair.
It was meant to end like this.
“I see who Yoongu took after now. He looks like your mini version.”
Yoongu was now holding onto his uncle’s leg like his life was dependent on it. He was frowning, watching them carefully.
“We get that a lot. Don’t tell my brother, though. He gets furious.” he answered, couldn't help but smile at the same time.
Dan nodded, smiling softly, looking much more comfortable now.
As Jaekyung was about to say something to keep the conversation going, a loud ringtone filled the silence.
“Sorry.” Dan mumbled and opened the phone, walking away from them.
Jaekyung couldn’t hear whom he was talking to, or what he was saying. Right then, he realized that it could be his boyfriend, or even his family.
8 years was enough time to marry and start a family. Jaekyung knew that many of his peers did so.
The realization hit him in the gut. He felt something twisting, not that he never thought about this happening.
He thought about it from time to time, when he was left alone with himself and his thoughts. It didn’t happen a lot, since he had to think about his profession all day every day.
But it happened. Whenever he was feeling alone, he thought about Dan.
What was he doing? Did he love someone after he left? Did he think about Jaekyung at all?
All of those questions went unanswered. Jaekyung even tried to stalk his socials but Dan had no presence in any social media.
So what Dan was up to stayed as a mystery. But Jaekyung never quit searching. It was like a coping mechanism to him, whenever he felt sad he reached for his phone. He needed to see Dan’s presence somewhere, to see that he never forgot about Jaekyung like how he didn’t.
It never happened, so not knowing sometimes made him go crazy but also kept the fire he felt for Dan alive.
He was there, in front of him but Jaekyung didn’t know if he wanted to know about his relationship status. He could face it alone in his room, but he didn’t know how he would react face to face.
“Sorry, but I have to go now.” he said softly.
“Oh,okay.” Jaekyung nodded.
“Bye, Yoongu.” Dan crouched down by Yoongu. “Hope I’ll see you again.” he added, getting up.
“I’ll be around.”
He didn’t want Dan to leave. He wanted to talk to him, ask about what he did during all those years. He wanted to know every bit of information. He needed to know.
“I’m glad to hear.”
The soft smile on his face made Jaekyung crave more of him. Yes, he dreamed about having Dan here and there, but he was there now. He could have his way with him. He could touch him if he just reached out.
“Hey, um, would you like to grab a coffee with me tomorrow? After work?”
See, Jaekyung wasn’t that kind of a person. He didn’t hesitate to get what he wanted, but all of those experiences he shared with Dan made him insecure. Mostly, how their relationship ended.
“I would love to!”
In contrast to Jaekyung, Dan didn’t hesitate to accept the offer eagerly.
“Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Dan left then, waving his hand to Jaekyung and Yoongu.
Jaekyung stood there, looking after him with longing.
“Uncle, let’s gooo!” Yoongu was now pulling the fabric of his pants.
“Let’s go.” Jaekyung sighed, and held Yoongu’s hand.
*
Their first meeting was not so phenomenal, nor memorable. Still, Jaekyung remembered every single part of it.
Dan was a transfer student, he came to their class in the middle of the school year so it was a big occasion for everyone.
He must have been in trouble to come in the middle of the school year, so everyone talked and talked.
However, it didn’t last. There was something special about Dan.
Dan was the kindest person Jaekyung had ever met and it was the same for others. He was always helpful towards his classmates, easy to talk to, and even to take advantage of. People loved being in his presence, talking to him, asking his help. Even when he did nothing but sit, he radiated a calming energy.
So the gossiping stopped as soon as people started getting to know Dan.
Jaekyung never cared about the gossip. He thought that people must’ve been too bored.
But he didn’t like Dan. No, he didn’t.
Not because of the gossip, he was simply irritated by the boy. He was too kind for his own good, it made Jaekyung feel some type of pity towards him.
He was like everything Jaekyung hated and avoided to be.
Their first interaction was because of that uncomfortable feeling Jaekyung had.
Dan was a hard working student. He always studied the material beforehand and did his homework almost perfectly. At one point, it was inevitable for others to start taking advantage of him.
He had a hard time saying no to others, and he didn’t see any problem sharing the answers. He just wanted to be helpful.
Jaekyung watched him from afar, getting more and more annoyed at Dan each day. He hated seeing him pushed around like that.
“You should start growing a backbone, you know?” was the first thing Jaekyung had ever said to Dan during their lunch break.
“What?”
It was clear that Dan didn’t expect Jaekyung to talk to him. The boy didn’t even look at him, let alone talk.
It was a sunny day, so people were all out in the school’s backyard. Dan was no exception, but instead of eating he was reading his book, sitting under a tree.
It made Jaekyung feel more annoyed. Why did he act like that? Like he was too comfortable, didn’t have a care in the world. He was fine with being pushed around.
“People take advantage of you, and you let them.” Jaekyung said, sitting beside Dan. Still, there was a huge distance between them.
Dan closed his book, folding the page beforehand.
“No, it’s not like that.” he spoke softly.
Jaekyung heard his voice here and there, but Dan always spoke so softly and quietly. It was the first time he heard his smooth voice clearly.
“So you’re fine with being everyone’s toy?” the irritation he felt could easily be heard in his voice.
“No! You’re wrong. It’s just..” he stopped. “Friends help each other, I guess.”
Jaekyung understood how desperate Dan was then, for a connection. Yes, maybe they were his friends but still they took advantage of him.
They didn’t talk more that day but Jaekyung felt something different was going on with Dan.
It was not a huge difference but he could feel Dan trying to say no to people, or sometimes setting boundaries.
He liked it, he liked it so much that he felt angry at himself. Wasn’t he doing the same thing? Trying to control Dan?
But no, it was for his own good.
That little conversation started something in both of them. They started seeing each other. Really seeing.
Dan started smiling at him whenever he saw Jaekyung, even though it was not reciprocated.
He didn’t give up, and he was content with the way Jaekyung just watched him whenever he looked.
Yes, Jaekyung did watch him.
Every time Dan was in the room, he couldn’t help but watch him.
He never cared for anyone in their class, or the whole school. So it was a new feeling, an unwanted one.
Dan was so different yet so disturbing.
Jaekyung started to wonder why the other boy slept during some classes, why he rarely saw him eat during school hours.
Why did he have dark under eyes, why was he still happy despite looking miserable?
All of his whys stayed unanswered for a long time but Jaekyung waited patiently.
He felt obsessed with Dan at one point. It couldn’t be normal to think that much about your classmate.
*
When he saw Dan in the locker room changing after everyone left school, Jaekyung felt that it was the start of something. And also the end of many things.
“Who did this to you?”
Questions, Jaekyung always had questions.
Dan flinched, not expecting company at all.
“No one. I fell.” he put on his uniform quickly and smiled like he didn’t lie.
Jaekyung knew what bruises looked like. He had them all the time when he practiced.
“No need to lie to me. You can be honest, I won’t judge.” Jaekyung looked like he meant what he said.
And he meant it at that time.
It didn’t happen at once. Dan needed time to open up to Jaekyung about his life.
It was not easy but it happened eventually, Jaekyung was patient with him after all.
They started spending more time with each other. During lunch break, Jaekyung accompanied him, buying him something to eat without asking.
Sometimes they just sat there and read, sometimes they talked about everything, anything.
Jaekyung was surprised at how much he liked spending time with Dan. He liked it so much that when he got home from school, he wanted it to be morning so he could go to school again. He felt like a child.
It was stupid. He felt stupid for feeling like this, but Dan made it so easy to be with him.
The time they spent together at school started to become inadequate, so Jaekyung insisted on dropping Dan home.
During those short walks, he learned about Dan’s life a little more. He talked about his grandmother with admiration, but no one else.
So it was easy to pick up that he had no one else.
Even though he learned about his life a little, they never talked about those bruises again. Jaekyung was dying to know, but he never dared to ask.
*
Their first kiss happened like everything else in their relationship.
It took a lot of time, even though Jaekyung knew he wanted to kiss Dan to a point where it made him crazy.
He would watch those big brown eyes and think about nothing but how his lips would feel on his lips.
It became more often when they started touching each other secretly, holding hands when no one could see.
The small touches here and there didn’t satisfy Jaekyung’s craving for Dan.
That was the first time Jaekyung wanted something that much and he couldn’t have it.
He waited.
He wanted Dan to want him as much as he wanted him, but he knew that it was impossible. Jaekyung would always want Dan more.
*
Dan started coming over so that they could do their homework together. Jaekyung’s parents were not home most of the time, so they would always have the huge place to themselves.
Jaekyung loved the idea. He would do anything to spend some more time with Dan, and now he had to just do his homework. It was easy.
Dan got accustomed to taking the bigger boy’s space. Jaekyung was glad that he did.
They got closer, close enough for Dan to lay on Jaekyung’s bed without a care in the world.
Jaekyung tried to act like it didn’t affect him, but no it did.
He watched the other boy spread out like a starfish on his king sized bed. He looked small, not that he wasn’t, but he looked smaller like that.
“It’s so hot!” he whined.
“Hm? Go grab something to wear.” Jaekyung said without looking at Dan, sitting on the floor. His back was now on the bed’s sides, so he wasn’t able to see Dan without trying. Jaekyung tried to focus on the section he was reading, but it was harder than he imagined.
Dan huffed, but gladly got up. He was still wearing his school uniform and it was so hot outside that he could feel his sweat wetting his t-shirt.
The walk to Jaekyung’s huge wardrobe was short but he took his time choosing a t-shirt. Unlike himself, Jaekyung had a lot of stuff to wear. Most of them were expensive brands, which Dan could never buy. It felt weird to wear Jaekyung’s clothes but he had no other choice.
When he got back into his old position, Jaekyung made a mistake to take a look at him.
No, no. He shouldn’t have looked at him.
He was now lying on his stomach, wearing one of Jaekyung’s Adidas t-shirts. It was a loose fit on him, slipping around his shoulders.
His hair was now messier, covering his forehead. Jaekyung wanted to do nothing but brush his fingers into the soft hair.
It was the most innocent idea that he had, maybe the only one.
But Dan also acted differently that day. He would always be the one to finish his homework first, and make sure that Jaekyung finished on time too.
“I’m so bored.” he whined again like a kid. “Let’s do something fun.”
“No, do your homework.”
“Nooo!” He reached out to hold Jaekyung’s always perfect looking hair and softly pulled it. It didn’t hurt at all, and he felt the smooth fingertips loosening the hold like they were afraid of hurting him. Jaekyung enjoyed the short moment, but still didn’t look at Dan.
“Why are you acting like a baby?”
“Because I’m bored!” he curled into a ball, acting as dramatic as possible.
“We should finish this.” Jaekyung was acting like he was focused on the book.
“Ugh! You’re so boring.”
That’s when the dark haired boy sighed and closed the book, got up from the floor. He was now sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at Dan who was still curled up.
“Get up, let’s finish. Then we can do something.” he held Dan’s arm, trying to make him get up but Dan was pushing his face into the covers, whimpering. Now, he was acting like a total child.
“C’mon!”
“Nooo!” Dan cried out.
Jaekyung could easily lift Dan up, but he didn’t want to hurt him so he just softly held his arm.
Dan resisted and held Jaekyung’s hand, trying to pull him to himself, but it only made Jaekyung laugh, seeing his vain efforts spread a fuzzy feeling on his tummy.
“Okay, stop.” Jaekyung said smiling.
Dan got up then, his cheeks flushed. It must be the weather, Jaekyung thought. But he turned the air conditioner on for Dan, seeing how he was grumpy about the hot weather.
Before Jaekyung could ask what’s wrong, Dan got closer and it happened.
Jaekyung felt the smooth lips on his lips, and couldn’t help but kiss Dan immediately like he was starving.
He was starving.
Jaekyung’s big hands found their way to Dan’s tiny waist, holding him and pulling him closer.
It was messy and uncoordinated. Their teeth crashed, and Jaekyung accidentally bit Dan’s soft lips a little too harshly. The taste of blood didn’t stop them from going on, kissing each other like their lives were dependent on it.
It was a first for both of them, and they made sure to make it last.
It was Dan who broke the kiss first, trying to get some air. His lips were now a bright red, similarly his cheeks were too.
“I’m sorry..” he whispered.
Jaekyung didn’t tear his gaze away from big brown shiny eyes standing in front of him, took his time enjoying the view.
He was the one to make Dan look like this, like he was ruined for anyone else.
It made Jaekyung want to keep Dan all to himself, he wanted to mess him up more. He wanted to have him in every way possible.
He wanted Dan desperately, and it was right then that he couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t stay away from him.
